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Speak Up

If someone that you care abt does something to hurt or offend you... and you NEVER say anything to them abt it and subsequently become angry with them, storing up all that anger until it transforms into resentment....then everyone in the situation loses. 1. Its not fair to the other person if they are never told WHY you are upset or what your expectations of them are. That person has had a lifetime of experiences that makes them who they are and typically arent living their lives solely based on what makes you happy, even though they care abt what makes you happy.


Aaaaannnnd if they care abt you, 9 times out of 10 they dont know that theyve done something to hurt you or they wld have probably attempted to rectify the situation or at the very least talk to you abt it. Also you take away their opportunity to tell you why they did it or what they were thinking when they did ehat they did or said what they said. Honestly, them being able to articulate their side of the situation, helps you to stop making up the story in your mind which gives your mind a break from over processing. 2. You suffer the most because they are ignorant to the problem and as a result are probably enjoying an uninterupted mental and emotional state while you on the other hand are seething with anger that will over time alter your mental and emotional state. You aint winning here. We can't say we love ppl and then refuse to give them the opportunities to be humans, make mistakes, learn from those mistakes and subsequently show appropriate remorse. Ppl are ppl and not all of us are good students, so some lessons occassionally need to be re examined Lol! Holding ppl accountable to your expectations w/o making them aware of those expectations is NOT ok. More of us have control and trust issues than we like to admit but once we begin to acknowledge that, then we can begin to deal with OURSELVES in the equation. These are the things that marriage taught me and while I relapse from time to time... im always aware of me in these kind of situations as well as my problems with trusting ppl. As a result, I CHECK MYSELF often. Love aint always pretty... but its always beautiful.

Naz Khalid

9/1/16

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4 Comments


Nisha
Nisha
Jan 27, 2020

In the past, I would be upset or angry but chose to handle it in a passive aggressive manner or totally detach. In my growth, I made a pact with myself that if I choose not to communicate my feelings, then I can’t really feel some kind of way when I am consciously depriving myself of gaining the clarification or seeing a different perspective of the situation. Lack of communication has been one of my worst enemies. I have to remind myself that people are not mind readers.

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Drea LuVv
Drea LuVv
Jan 27, 2020

wise words Naz ...& then for me I had to also learn that making others aware of my expectations didnt mean they were going to care abt them but it did make me aware of their lack of desire which ultimately allowed me to release them from having any expectations from me at all, now we can all be carefree 🤗

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tiatate940
tiatate940
Jan 25, 2020

I am currently exercising this in my relationship now , I would often just assume my boyfriend knows what’s wrong with me when I become silent & angry, because of something he hasn’t done . BUT I am learning to speak & exercise my voice ... for how will he ever know if I do not tell him 🤍

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Alisa
Alisa
Jan 25, 2020

This is one of the things that I learned that I needed to grow past. I assumed people would just know they had hurt or wronged me. This is definitely a powerful, transformational message

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