Exploring the Mother & Father Wound

I’m rather embarrassed to share something so personal family , but I’m healing from this slowly but surely & maybe y’all know something I don’t cause sometimes I be feeling like I’m fucking up & not making progress at all

My father has been in & out of my life since I was 12 I’ll be 26 this Nov . In my childhood I’ve witnessed my mother being beaten (seeing her wounds , the xrays , the emotional damage it had on my mother, hearing the terrible sounds of it in the other room) among other things, i was chubby as a child & my father would say horrible things to me as a child making me feel so small , causing me to make a AGREEMENT in my mind about my mind body , spirit & health . I didn’t like myself as a teen all I wanted was to be someone else I didn’t like my body , I starved myself , made myself throw up in order to loose weight because “I would be so pretty once I looked a certain way“ right ? even tho I never felt ”ugly” I hated everything about my avatar. I’ve never been fully comfortable in my own skin always seeking change in something on myself never being satisfied!! my relationship with men since I’ve been in my adult years has been horrible (excluding a few I probably pushed away) I always attract emotionally unavailable people & play over the men who show genuine interest in me 🤷🏽‍♀️. I have abandonment issues . Fear of being left , fear of not being accepted , fear of a undisciplined man to come into my world & disappoint me . In order to try & heal myself I journal , I explore the WHY . I cry so hard some nights holding my rose quartz against my heart & ask it for direction ask it to heal the parts I’m overlooking . Wheew with all that being said my question family is how can I continue to heal from this deep wound I have . Anything u guys do ? Inner child healing techniques? Because my heart is broken & I want to be able to love myself , my child & my future king CORRECTLY. *i apologize for it being so long family *